[ShepherdsDog]

Do you spare them the pain, or do you have an obligation to let them know, so that any and all unresloved issues can be tied up before your passing? Can it be be considered selfish to not tell those closest to you, that you've been diagnosed with a terminal disease?

[commanderkai]

You should tell them. Maybe not children, but teens, and adults. They deserve to know so they can at least prepare and get used to the fact.

[raydan]

Easy to answer.

If someone you loved was dying, would you want to know?

My answer to both questions is yes.

[ShepherdsDog]

A friend of mine's dad passed away today. He and his brother received news the other day that his step dad had slipped into a coma and was expected to pass away soon. It was only last night that they found out that his dad had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this past October. His(my friend's) wife died less than two months after they were married, and he never thought he'd have to say good bye so soon And again, he didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye.

Personally, I think it is wrong to not let those closest to you know this. Selfish?....... I don't know, but certainly misguided. Even younger children need to be told...gently, but told nonetheless, to prepare them for the day you aren't there. As it is, his children are all adults with their own kids.

[Pseudonym]

I don't really have solid grounds for saying that you should, but it seems as though that should be the case. Otherwise, there might be much more sorrow once you do pass.

[Brenda]

ShepherdsDog wrote:

Do you spare them the pain, or do you have an obligation to let them know, so that any and all unresloved issues can be tied up before your passing? Can it be be considered selfish to not tell those closest to you, that you've been diagnosed with a terminal disease?

I would tell them...
Not as an obligation, but because I would want them to tell me too so I could be there for them.

[Chumley]

I would have to say let your family know.
No one is really obligated to tell anyone, but it is the right thing to do.

[novachick]

Yes.

[Brenda]

I used to have a great relationship with my great grandmother. We visited her every month, mom my and I, and I remember small detailes. I cherish those memories... She died when she was 96. I was 13. I wanted to come to the funeral with my mom, but she wouldn't let me. I wish she had... I still regret I didn't go, 25 years later...

[Yogi]

I've thought about this in the past as with my family history, terminal illness is a very likely outcome. I had decided that I wouldn't tell anyone for the following reasons.
I do not like having anyone around me when I am sick. I don't want anyone to 'feel obligated' for any reasons. I don't want anyone to 'rearrange their lives' to accomodate my illness. The ongoing stress that loved ones invariabley experience while 'waiting for the end' will be avoided or considerably reduced.

[Bodah]

My unlce divorced no kids, had terminal cancer. We knew he was sick but didn't know it turned terminal months ago, we were under the impression the treatment killed the cancer. When he was admitted to the hospital that's when we found out. He lived for two more weeks.

He was the type of person, who didn't want anyone to change their habbits or frequency of visits because he was dying. The doctor told my mother he had never had a terminal patient with such a positive attitude.

His last words to me was "Don't feel sorry for me."

[Bacardi4206]

It depends on who they are really, but I think you should tell them as soon as you can before the individual or yourself as a example dies. Preperation is better than a suprise and if there are kids like sons or daughters that are emotionly atteched to the individual. It will hit them like a rock and it is better that they are prepared for what is to come and spend time with the dieing individual so when that person dies they won't get depressed and wonder if they spent enough time with them and regret not doing so, etc.

It is a good release if the family of the individual knows that they spend enough time with the indivudal. Told him or her what they wanted to say and did everything they could and wanted to do. It is really hard for them if they think they could have done more but it is too late because the individual is already dead.

[martin14]

Yogi wrote:

I've thought about this in the past as with my family history, terminal illness is a very likely outcome. I had decided that I wouldn't tell anyone for the following reasons.
I do not like having anyone around me when I am sick. I don't want anyone to 'feel obligated' for any reasons. I don't want anyone to 'rearrange their lives' to accomodate my illness. The ongoing stress that loved ones invariabley experience while 'waiting for the end' will be avoided or considerably reduced.

gotta disagree with you Yogi, my dad thought pretty much as you,
didnt want to burden anyone.
My mom told me about 3 months before he died that something was up,
so I moved back home for while; wasnt easy, but it was worth it
for the time I got to spend with him, and to be there at the end.

Wouldnt trade that for anything, and the guilt I would have had if I
hadnt been told would have been much more difficult to deal with.


You only get one kick at the can in this life, and I'm glad I had the chance
to just hang with him for a while.

[romanP]

ShepherdsDog wrote:

Do you spare them the pain, or do you have an obligation to let them know, so that any and all unresloved issues can be tied up before your passing? Can it be be considered selfish to not tell those closest to you, that you've been diagnosed with a terminal disease?

I think they would find out eventually that something is not right. You can't really "spare them the pain", because you're going to die anyway, and the chance of that happening might be much greater if you don't tell anyone.

If you want to spare anyone pain, you should definitely have all of your affairs in order before you die so that they don't have to think about those things too much afterward.

[TattoodGirl]

Yes...but I believe in open honest communication. Holding in a secret of such magnitude also, IMO, have a negative impact on the quality of the days left.