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Author:  Woodland-Realm [ Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:  How do some people do it?

I have to write a poem in History class about WWI. So I did it about how someone enlisted. I'm horrible at writing poems and don't know how to write one. This is what I have so far, but it just seems like a story without proper sentences.

In August of 1915, my father passed away.
It wasn’t meant to happen, he was so young.
Prior to his death he confronted me.
In a dreadful state, he was compelled to tell me
“A life without reason is a life worth losing.”
His words were direct.

It was two months after my father’s death.
And his words still lingered in my mind.
As the afternoon turned dark, I stood outside his room.
Waiting, peacefully, for something.

I saw nothing. Nothing came, nothing went.
Much like my life,
My future,
My dreams.
All clouded and full of uncertainties.
Looking back now, my life seemed dull,
And I wasn’t willing to lose it.

“A life without reason is a life worth losing.”
Now I realized.
Now I understood.
My life had no reason,
But I wasn’t ready to give it up.

To fill my life of nothing with something,
To make my family proud,
To make my country proud,
To make myself proud,
I enlisted.

Is this considered a poem? It doesn't even rhyme.

And any tips to make it better?

Thanks

Author:  Woodland-Realm [ Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 

Honestly? Thats how they are supposed to sound?

Thanks for your input, I hope your not saying that to make me feel good PDT_Armataz_01_28 .

Author:  Zoraja [ Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do some people do it?

In August of 1915, amid the fear and sacrifice
my father passed away.
It wasn’t meant to happen, he was young and strong.
Hs death he confronted me.
In a dreadful state, he was spoke to tell me
“A life without purpose is a life worth losing.”
His words were direct, and I will not forget.

It was two months after my father’s death.
And his words still lingered in my mind.
As the afternoon turned dark, I stood by outside his room.
Waiting, just waiting, for anything.

I saw nothing. Nothing came, nothing went.
Much like my life, My future, My dreams.
All clouded and full of emptiness.
Looking back now, my life seemed dull,
I wasn’t willing to lose it.

“A life without purpose is a life worth losing.”
Now I realize.
Now I understand.
My life has no purpose,
But I am not ready to give it up.

To fill my life of nothing with anything,
To make my family proud,
To make my country proud,
To make myself proud,
I enlisted.


I amde some alterations, not sure if you will like it, I am not much of a poet either but meh, maybe it will make you think of somethign else that you will like that you can add or change.

Author:  Banff [ Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 

I agree , its very good , don't change a thing

Author:  crystalsm [ Mon Feb 27, 2006 5:39 pm ]
Post subject: 

It's very good and I wouldn't change a thing. Poems don't have to rhyme either.

Author:  Woodland-Realm [ Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:35 am ]
Post subject: 

Thanks for the input. I'll leave it as it is for now, see what happens. [BB]

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