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- Are you bitter? -
Category: Other Jokes/Gender Jokes

From: Hester
Author: Unknown
Added: December 07, 2005
Modified: December 07, 2005
Views: 3457
Votes: 96
Rating: 5.33

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Are you bitter?:

Are you bitter?

Did you make it through that last relationship alive? Did you come out the other end a better person? Bitter or Better?
Here's your chance to find out for yourself. Why pay some expensive shrink who's only going to tell the ex anyway?

1. You're drunk at a party. You're talking to a nice looking woman about:

a. The last 10 years of your sporting achievements.
b. How many 'chicks' you 'scored' last year.
c. The new computer you bought.
d. The bitch that ripped your heart out of your chest, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, shot it, kicked it, set it on fire, chopped it into little pieces, then FLUSHED IT DOWN THE TOILET!

2. The best song ever sung was:

a. "We Will Rock You", Queen.
b. "With a Little help from my friends", Joe Cocker.
c. "Video killed the Radio Star", The Buggles.
d. "Everything about you", Ugly Kid Joe.

3. For your holiday you have booked yourself into:

a. The presidential suite of a luxury waterfront hotel.
b. The Betty Ford Clinic.
c. A course on the latest incarnation of Windows NT.
d. Any place where there aren't any bloody women to torment you!

4. Some friends of your ex come in from out of town. You've always got on well with them. You:

a. Invite them out to a bar for a couple of drinks to catch up on what's new in their lives.
b. Invite them out on a 12 hour Nightclub-Bender.
c. Offer to fill their laptop with the latest pirated games.
d. Invite them out to dinner, then half-way through slip out and torch their car.

5. Your ex calls to see how you are. You:

a. Say you're good and it was for the best.
b. Say that you bar buddies are right, you realise that you can do better.
c. My ex what?
d. Tell her she's NOT going to worm her way back into your affections like that just so she can RIP what's left of your heart out and STOMP it some more, but you do really miss her and won't she just reconsider?

6. Some psychology students want to interview you for a profile of how the everyday "Joe" deals with rejection. You:

a. Say "Sure, any time".
b. Say "Maybe, what does it involve?"
c. Say "Sexual, Social, Physical or Operating System?"

7. Your ex's parents still like to keep in touch. They're having a party, the theme of which is "funny t-shirts". You buy:

a. The shirt with "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here!".
b. The shirt "Sex Instructor, First Lesson Free".
c. The shirt "My co-worker installed OS/2 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt".
d. A shirt with "The world can kiss my shiny, stainless steel butt" on the front, and "Pucker up Buttercup"(and large arrow) on the back, because you know SHE is going to be there.

How did you rate?

Mostly a's:
You're a survivor. You'll go on to do good things. Women will love you. Often.

Mostly b's:
You're not so much a survivor, but your pit-crew back at the bar can always get you to the condition of JUST socially roadworthy.

Mostly c's:
What are you doing taking this test? Don't you have confidence and nerve to burn?

Mostly d's:
DOWN BOY! You're so bitter you use lemon as a sweetener! Your vanity plates probably say "KILL ME"! You need help, lots of it, right now!

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