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- Conservatives Become Liberals & Liberals Become Conservatives -
Category: Canadian Jokes/Political Jokes

From: Old_Fart
Author: Unknown
Added: August 09, 2010
Modified: August 09, 2010
Views: 6016
Votes: 220
Rating: 9.96



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Conservatives Become Liberals & Liberals Become Conservatives:

The New Conservatives Verses The New Liberals

For those that don't know about history ....
Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of Canadian beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get North Amercian men to Canadian beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once Canadian beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the Canadian Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Canadian Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Liberal voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Modern Canadian Conservatives started liking imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French Canadian food are standard Canadian Conservative fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood North and group therapists have become Conservatives. Canadian Conseratives invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Canadian Liberals drink domestic beer, mostly Molson Canadian or MooseHead Ale. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. They were forced the become big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Canadian Liberals who own companies hired conservatives who wanted to work for a living and get away from a area called Ottawa.

Conservatives started to produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers, mostly in an area called Toronto, and decide what to do with the production. Conservatives are now starting to believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of Canadian Conservatives remained talking to Europeans when Liberals were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Canadian Conservatives may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Canadian Liberal will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other odd believers and to more Conservatives just to piss them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....
I'm going to have another Molson's Canadian.






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