© by 4n-community

The Man Nobody Knows

2004-07-10 13:55:39
Alright, so there once was a man from Nantucket, well
2004-07-10 14:13:42
him and NUCK fluck chuck buck they both like blubber
2004-07-10 20:55:27
So they figured the best place to get some was in Nunavut. They went to the local canadian Tire to buy some sailboat fuel to get moving, and packed some supplies.
2004-07-11 02:24:31
After their shopping they were weighed down with $39853498534987.97 worth of Canadian Tire money that could only be exchanged in Iqualuit.
2004-07-12 17:53:32
As luck would have it this is the only place you can get blubber tires, eh. So rather than sitting around blubbering about it they hoisted the sail and set out for wherever the hell Iqualuit is. When they landed in Iqualuit they ran into a fellow named Nanook who claimed to be famous on account of the Frank Zappa song, eh.
2004-07-14 12:38:24
Nanook then told them to get to Nantucket they had to take the 401 untill they
2004-08-07 07:56:01
Could take it no longer
The potholes the blowen truck tires would point the way to Nantucket or
2004-08-17 17:17:47
to Tim Horton's!! YEAH!!! DOUGHNUTS!!!
2004-08-31 12:23:35
so they picked up some donuts and tim bits and some other food.... and then the weirdest thing happened.....
2004-09-13 21:02:42
the coffee started talkin and shit! O.o
2004-09-19 19:44:55
It was a decaf and had a thick and foamy accent
2004-10-13 15:36:41
and the coffee said to them in the scariest voice ever..."How's it goin', eh?"
2004-10-20 13:42:06
Not knowing how to respond, they said, "What was in those doughnuts?"
2004-11-06 18:51:45
At which point George Bush, Paul Martin and Tony Blair walk in, armed with a rocket launcher, a stick and a cup of tea respectively.
2004-11-11 18:08:22
But the Uck's kept staring at the coffee in amazement, wondering what he would say next. But then, George W. Bush grabbed him and started to drink him. This was absolutely untolerable, so they complained to Paul Martin and immediately, Mr. Martin kicked George W. Bush's puny ass all over Tim Hortons.

Afterwards, they realized "Wait! Did I just taste MAPLE?" They all agreed and they started to do a Newfie jig around the store. However, it got worse when they found out that Tim Hortons normally sells many varieties of maple-flavoured goods.

2004-11-21 18:18:30
Well, I'm no Rene Levesque, or Joe (what's his name) but I still loose too much sleep over who will be the next Canadian Idol. If wasn't for TV shows like Corner Gas, I would not be eating fried food and considering moving to Toronto to have the option of same-sex marriage.
2004-12-20 20:41:09
these thought scared me, so what i did was walk my ass (along with all the people in tim hortons) to the local office parliment (which just so happened to be ottawa seeing as how we were in this wierd conveyor belt thing that goes from where we were to ottawa) so when we got there we realised that we didnt actually have to go all that way since paul martin was already with us. So i walked up to mr martin and said...
2005-01-06 09:22:12
there once was a man from Natucket and well, do you know who he is? We have been trying to find him but nobody know who he is, only that he is from Natucket.
After much thought, the PM replied...
2005-03-11 23:06:07
This is the last time we get the BC made baked goods. I think tim horton's put something in the brownies...but what could someone in BC put in simple brownies? WHOA! Look at my hands, they are so big...I can touch anything!
2005-03-18 17:25:28
All of a sudden, a ninja walks in.
2005-04-09 16:24:37
and pretty soon everybody was kugfu fighting and having mott's clamato juice and more donuts.
2005-04-12 23:20:52
2005-05-19 22:17:48
out of their minds, they ran out into the street only to find that the seals were invading the land and lava was spewing from the frosty earth. Not knowing what to do, they took the PM and...
2005-05-21 22:18:22
hid in an underground cave where they made a fire and entertained themselves by telling stupid stories, while everyone outside the cave was dying an excrutiating death by...
2005-05-23 23:39:36
a storm of huge yellow carwash sponges raining down upon the earth. The PM thought, 'I have big hands, I can catch those sponges before they hit the ground! I will leave the safety of this cave and save the world from this catasrophe.'

So the PM called a meeting with all the cave dwellers. "I will go forth from this cave," he announced, "and with my big hands I shall save the world!"

"But Sir!" called a shill voice from the crowd. "First you must find the man from Nantucket, for he is the one who possesses the bucket."

"You are right my fine friend, its the means to the end." called back the PM. "The sponges must be wrung and tossed in the bucket, the Royal Pail possessed by the man from Nantucket."

So the PM left the cave in seach of the man from Nantucket, squatting sponges away with his big hands and the cushion of sponges on the ground making the walking easy. The sponges were piled quite deep in some places and the PM found that he could bounce from pile to pile with increasing ease. This bouncing from pile to pile enabled the PM to travel quite quickly in his quest to find the man from Nantucket and it wasn't to long before the PM came across a bunch of .....
2005-05-30 17:34:40
square pants looking for their own owners. Could the Prime Minister have accidently stepped on Bob?? And if so.. not only can we not find the man from Nantucket or where ever he is from but we've also disappointed many kids. The square pants thought it was odd that the P.M. was...
2005-07-21 17:37:41
being so cold to the sponges. All of a sudden, one of the sponges jumped up, grabbed the PM's foot and laughed, "Ahahahah! I'm not dead! I can still entertain kids! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!"

The PM, slightly irritated, picked up the laughing sponge and said, "All right! All right...Now, do you know where the man from Nantucket is?"
2005-09-05 09:31:50
"Yes" The sponge replied. "Then tell me where he is or I'll cancel Sponge Bob and save the world from stupidity as well." "NO! PLease don't cancel it, I'll tell I'll tell!" "make it quick or I'll cancel it anyway!" "He's in the big tire next to the fake donut where only the sun can shine on tuesdays."
The PM was Furious! "What kind of answer is that?"
"the kind you would get out of a sponge, I suppose."
2005-10-01 13:45:20
So off the PM went, in search of the big tire next to the fake donut to find the man from Nantucket. Along the way, he saw...
2006-02-23 21:00:14
A moose, traveling with his friend Beaver. They hid in an especially deep pool-ish thing of sponges untilll the PM walked by, then jumped out and yelled "Hoobali Boobali Goola!!" The PM, totally suprised at the stupidity of what the moose had just yelled, said....:
2006-08-01 14:54:06
"That sounds like something a separatist would say,or a Liberal Leadership candidate for that matter.The moose replied,"Mumbly gumbly fumbly dook!" The PM stood there,looking totally dazed.(in other words,the same look he has when he thinks,"I actually won the election??)He watched as the moose and beaver pulled their toques over their ears,lit a smoke from a nearby reserve and cracked open a cold Molson Canadian.....
2006-09-21 20:26:59
and continued on his way to find the man from Nantucket. Before he reached the big tire next to the fake donut, a man standing on a stage began ranting:

"I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader
And I don't blubber or own a dog sled.
And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or ..."

at which point the PM asked him if he knew the man from Nantucket. Furious that he had been interupted but forgiving because of the Molson that the PM was drinking he replied . . .

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