Condolences for your loss. I do feel genuine envy though for anyone who had a good relationship with their father. Too many of the rest of us got either the indifferent one. Or the absent one. Or, even worse, the one where we got suppressed to the point that for most of our we have intense difficulty functioning as adults because the old man was so bullying and domineering and outright embarrassing far too often. When your dad's real gift to you is lifelong PTSD and depression you tend to have a very different outlook on things.
I had the latter sort of father. I accepted a long time ago that I would have been better off fatherless, because my mom was a truly great person. He caused a lot of damage to all of us with his relentless controlling and far-too-frequent rages. I can't be around anyone who gets angry at work or when I was in school. I have massive panic attacks to the point of nearly passing out when it happens because that kind of behaviour was what happened at home. Let's just say that any Father's Day cards I gave to him were pretty much just for show and the sentiment just wasn't there. He'd pretty much killed those positive emotions entirely in me by the time I got to high school.
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